Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
