God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
