nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Quick, to the slutcave!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
