i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize