Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
