What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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