If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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