So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
