the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
