in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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