So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
