It's like God shit irony all over that family
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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