I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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