we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You're a waste of cheezeits
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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