i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
