I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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