the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize