You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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