i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
