Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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