I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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