my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
time to smoke my breakfast
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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