So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize