I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
