she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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