It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
