I accidentally burped into my bong.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
