she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
