I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
