Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
