it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
