he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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