Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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