So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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