I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
