There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
