Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
