I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
