I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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