Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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