I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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