Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
