around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Couch. On fire.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
