I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
