Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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