Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
