So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
