Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
