Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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