Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
