I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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