I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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