he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
