If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
