Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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