he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
