I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
