We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
this hospital has no fireball
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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