is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
