why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
