We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
