Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
