He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
