totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
