quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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