His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
