Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
