and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
