THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
