Umm I'm too high to move.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
