the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
