hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
