What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
