i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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