Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
