Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
