party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
