i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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