i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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