dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
