There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
