Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
