I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
