her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
