arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
