Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
