3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
