he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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