she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
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This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Im part way to drunk.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
