Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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