If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we're so committed to being not committed
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
