Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
