I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
