so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
