I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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