I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
