why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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