she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
