No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
