You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
