Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
