Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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