We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
