I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
