I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
