2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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